Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
