I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drake has all the answers
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
