His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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