I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
