Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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