that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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