I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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