I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are two peas in an std pod
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
