you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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