think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
