I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
