I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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