Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
