I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
