Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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