It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
