I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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