try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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