Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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