Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
