So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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