I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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