I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
