I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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