He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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