the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
