Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I believe in your delicious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
