For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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