We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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