If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
