hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
