she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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