So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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