How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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