i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
