You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
