Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sex in the backyard? Check.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
