I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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