I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize