we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
