i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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