Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
