I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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