We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
