1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she woke up with a sticky ear
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
