nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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