She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
