just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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