I looked at my own cervix.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
