return my video game
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
