I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
