he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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