you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize