I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
