i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
