checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
