it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
