I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's always time for handjobs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
