Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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