Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
