yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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