yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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