hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
