girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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