now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
