you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
