My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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