it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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