also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
