Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
