He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
